July 25, 2008

We’re Too Young

Posted by eirene83 at 01:29 PM on July 25, 2008 in Personal as a stickied post.

I know it’s been a while since I blogged about anything… I suppose I just couldn’t find the motivation to want to talk about anything anymore… I recall this one conversation I had with a friend in CLP – A father of a mutual friend has passed away and so I asked him; have we reached the age period where we should start realizing our parents are no longer young and that they could go at any time? This was a year ago… and his reply was; no way, definitely not.

We still expect our parents to be around and maybe we’re slowly starting to notice that they aren’t as limber, as healthy, as active as they used to be… That they’re getting old… But not so old that we should starting thinking about wills and legacies and who’ll be in charge of the family. We’re still too young for that.

When did things change? What happened? There still isn’t an answer that I can give myself that can explain why one father can be struck down by heart attack and survive but another dies… Why one mother has to suffer through chemotherapy and another passes away. And there definitely can never be an answer as to which side suffered more.

I know this is selfish… and possibly, difficult for some to understand. But I genuinely envy those whose parents have undergo treatment after treatment, whose parents are probably a shadow of who they used to be… Who could be in so much suffering that they wish to die…

I truly envy them as sick as it sounds… Because at least their parents are still alive; that knowing there is the possibility of death, that at least they have had the opportunity to appreciate that they are alive… That they can at least share any last words…

Because I will never have that chance anymore. Because I was too young to realize the possibility of death. Because she died before we even had a chance to understand how sick she was.

We miss you.

25.12.1953 – 5.4.2008

3 onigiri