We’re Too Young

Posted by eirene83 at 01:29 PM on July 25, 2008 in Personal as a stickied post.

(In loving memory)

25.12.1953 – 5.4.2008

3 onigiri

Karma

Posted by eirene83 at 09:06 PM on September 28, 2008 in Library, Thoughts, Personal.

Once upon a time, there lived a student named Kong Lu. He was engaged to be married. However, his soon-to-be wife left him for another man just days before the day of the wedding.

            It destroyed Lu when he found out, so much so that he fell gravely ill in bed. Nothing anyone said, or did helped. Doctors came from all around to try to cure him, but he remained bed ridden. It was obvious to everyone that Lu didn’t have much longer to live.

            Around this time, a traveling monk passed through town seeking food and shelter. He’d been turned down by five houses before arriving at the Kong household. It’d been a long journey for him. The Kong family respectfully took the monk in and offered him steamed buns and hot tea, and also a bed to sleep in for the night. During dinner, the monk learned of Lu’s situation from his mother. He decided he would stay and help.

The monk approached the bed-ridden student, and pulled out a mirror from his robe. The monk asked the student to look into the mirror. What the student saw in the mirror was a tumultuous ocean. There was something on the beach. It was a woman’s body, lying there. A woman no one knew. Poor woman, thought Lu.

Just then, a man walked past the woman’s body, shook his head in disgust, and went on his way.  A little later, a second man walked by the woman on the beach. He stopped for a moment, took off his jacket, covered her body out of respect, and went on his way.

A third man walked by the body and stopped. He knelt by the deceased and prayed for her. He then dug a grave, and buried her body. He carved a headstone and placed it at her grave. Every year, on the same day, the man would bring food and burn incense as offering for her at her gravesite.

The scenery in the mirror changed. Now the student saw his fiancée, on her wedding day. Her red wedding veil was lifted by another man. It was the man she left Lu for. This image made Lu angry and sad. He didn’t understand what it all meant.

The monk explained, “The dead woman on the beach was the woman you almost married, in her previous life. You were the second person who walked by, the one who covered her dead body with your clothes. It was very kind of you to do so. The love she shared with you in this life was her way of repaying you for your kindness in the previous life. In the end, however, she owed a great debt to the man who buried her body, and cared for her gravesite year after year, all for a total stranger. She will spend the rest of her life with that man in this lifetime.”

“Her soul decided on these courses of action prior to her being born. Everything is decided before we arrive in our physical bodies. Such is karma. And when one understands karma, there can be no suffering, because one knows there’s a purpose behind every action, and reaction. Debts are constantly repaid, and love constantly shared. It’s a beautiful web of life we weave. So cherish what you have, and the people who love you. Be kind to all, because karma is at work.”

The student didn’t say a word. He understood. When he woke up the next day, he was well again. He got out of bed and went to see his parents. He cried and told them that he was grateful for having them in his life. Lu never felt happier.

The monk told the family it was time for him to depart. The family steamed warm buns for him to take on the road, as he had a long journey ahead of him.

Lu thanked the monk for saving his life.

“No, thank you,” said the monk.

A surprised Lu asked, “Thank me? What for?”

“You see my son, I had a dream last night. In that dream, I saw myself in another life. In that life, you provided me with food and shelter in my time of dire need, when you had so little for yourself. So I thank you. And I’m once again indebted to you, and your family for your generosity. For providing food and shelter when no one else would, so that I can continue my mission of spreading the teachings of Buddha. It is a debt I hope I can repay next time around.” With that said, the monk smiled, and continued on his journey.

1 onigiri

Go and Come Back Safely

Posted by eirene83 at 01:51 AM on September 26, 2008 in Personal.

I recalled today this scene:

A woman in a kimono, bowing as her husband left and wishing his back, "Itterasshai." [Generally means take care; see you later]

It was from a Korean sci-fi movie someone had lent me many many years ago; I can't remember the name of the movie now or much of the plot... But to this day, that scene sticks because it was so poignant. She knew her husband wasn't or couldn't ever come back... yet she still wished him 'itterasshai'.

Tis a bittersweet thing... Sending someone off knowing they'll never come back.

And having to bring someone back when you didn't even know you were sending them off.

She always said she wanted to come home. I just never thought it would be this way.

Fruits Basket!

6 Months

Posted by eirene83 at 11:33 PM on September 24, 2008 in Personal.

It's been nearly half a year now... It doesn't feel like it was that long ago. But it actually has been 6 months since I've last heard my mom's voice and seen her face. It doesn't seem like it was that long... I guess we've just all gotten into the routine of going to work, coming back, making sure the house is clean and willing the weekend away so we can just all get back to work and not have to face the house without her in it.

Not exactly living per se... Just coping one day at a time. And I think that's the best we can manage because there isn't actually any way we can 'get over this' like a friend of mine told me to do. I just feel somewhat insulted everytime that person tells me to move on, my mom's in a better place, just go out and do something. Maybe it's that simple for him since he's not even close to his parents... but for me, I feel offended.

The pain is there, deep inside. It doesn't hurt if I don't poke at it but I know it's there... And I know it won't ever go away. And when I think of how my mom asked us to let her come home when she was in the hospital, I never once thought I would be bringing her back in a coffin. And that tears me inside.

1 onigiri

Bye Bye

Posted by eirene83 at 05:05 PM on August 11, 2008 in Music - Songs & Lyrics, Personal.

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

1 onigiri

Posted by eirene83 at 11:35 AM on April 14, 2008 in Personal.

Are you sleeping peacefully now wherever you are? Or are you being your old self and getting involved in activities?

There wasn't many people around today but I think you would have been happy to see them there. I like to think of you being set free and flying wherever you want to go, wherever your next path lies.

And strangely, we all feel the better for today because it feels as though everything has already been washed clean by the sea and that you're finally free from everything.

Fruits Basket!

I Miss You

Posted by eirene83 at 11:34 AM on April 14, 2008 in Music - Songs & Lyrics, Personal.

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway.

Fruits Basket!

Posted by eirene83 at 11:28 AM on April 14, 2008 in Personal.

Today was the last day ever I'll get to spend with you. The thought of you there and never coming back still hurts. I miss you. You've always complained and asked us to take you home. Every time. And every time we'd agree and try our best to get you home.

I just never ever once thought I would have to bring you home this way. Not this soon.

I just want to spend every possible second with you... And tonight, I want to stay awake with you as long as possible and if I have to go to sleep, to wake up as fast as possible. Because after tonight, there will never be another time when we'll be sleeping under the same roof.

Fruits Basket!